rehtaeh11
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October 28th, 2009
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| It's been awhile since my last entry, hasn't it? So I'm going to complain about my ex again. Last week I was tired and he dragged me over to the gas station. I had to pay for the visit once again because he's not responsible enough to keep minutes on his cell phone so that he can call the worker and get the transportation check himself. Somewhere in between the gas station and the freeway I was rubbing my eyes and thinking to myself that being married to him in a situation like this is like being thrown into the ocean with a really huge boulder tied around your ankles. No matter how hard I swim, I can't get anywhere... and no matter how hard I pull at the ties that bind us I can't seem to get them off. Yesterday I was freaking out while planning my trip to Yaoi con. I have to take a bus to take a train to take another bus to take a plane to take another bus to get to the con. That's three bus rides, one train ride, and an airplane ride all for the sake of attending the Saiyuki room party and hanging out with some friends. So yes, I was going ballistic about it. However, I now have a good idea of what time to start, what busses I'll be taking, how much it will cost, and how much time the whole trip will take. I really need to learn how to drive. | ||||||||
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confusedOctober 16th, 2009
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| The good news is that I made enough money to attend yaoi con. The bad news is that I lost my job. It actually happened on Tuesday, but I didn't want to talk about it. I got fired for something completely stupid. I was an hour and a half late to work Sunday because nobody bothered to tell me that I had been scheduled for work in the first place. They called me up at 6pm and said, "Oh, btw, did you know you were scheduled to come in at 5?" I was like, "WHAT?!" And I put my uniform on and ran down there as quickly as I could. Once I got there everything seemed fine, I worked on Monday too. But on Tuesday the owner found out about how late I was that day and called me and told me to come turn in my hat, shirt, and name badge. I told the him that there's no way I would have ever been late if I actually knew that I was supposed to be working, but he didn't want to hear it. I can't even drive by that place anymore without feeling like shit. That was more than just a job to me, you know? It was a chance to finally get my life together. But of course, things can never be that easy. Anyway, I don't care about it anymore. I'll just go find a job somewhere else. | ||||||||
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depressedOctober 12th, 2009
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| Title: Caught in the Act Fandom: Saiyuki Pairings: 53 Summary: Gojyo makes good on his promise to see that Sanzo is satisfied, but after it's over there are a few awkward moments. Rating: NC 17 Notes: Beta'd by the fabulous, awesome, completely AMAZING ![[info]](http://www.insanejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} jedishampoo! Previous Chapters ( Did the two of you enjoy yourselves? ) | ||||||||
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amusedOctober 10th, 2009
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| I had a conversation with a cat last night. I was out for a walk and I stopped by the side of a wall to sit down on the cement and have a smoke when I heard a sound somewhere above me. The cat was walking along the edge of the wall. I looked up at it and it said, "Meow." and I replied, "Meow." And we had a nice little conversation for a minute or two before I got tired of it and stopped, allowing the cat to wander off into the night. I think that I prefer the company of cats to humans sometimes. At least cats are reasonable enough to know when the conversation is over and you want to be left alone. Why can't people be that reasonable? | ||||||||
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contemplativeOctober 4th, 2009
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| While watching my church's general conference today over the internet, I thought about the church's stance on LGBT issues. I'm sure I've said it before, but it's always been my opinion that the church was ignoring some of the most important commandments in pursuit of it's support for Proposition 8. There was a talk during the conference by Dieter F. Uchtdorf (who is the Second Counselor in the First Presidency) that I found particularly inspiring. He starts off with some general statements about the church and an admonition to keep the commandments. It was interesting to me when he started taking about how some people stress minor laws and neglect the weightier matters. The part I liked the most was when he said, "Because love is the great commandment, it ought to be at the center of all and everything we do..." I couldn't agree more. It should be at the center of all that we do, but sometimes it isn't. He goes on to say that "Love is the power that initiates friendship, tolerance, civility, and respect. It is the source that overcomes divisiveness and hate." If only we have more love, I think... equal rights and respect wouldn't be an issue. Love is not a sin, it is a virtue. There is no doubt in my mind that this world would be a better place if more people would realize this truth. Dieter F. Uchtdorf also said, "God does not look on the outward appearance. I believe that he doesn't care one bit if we live in a castle or a cottage, if we're handsome or homely, if we are famous or forgotten." I would like to add that he loves us whether we are black or white, male or female, gay or straight. To think that any one group of people is superior and more deserving of love than another is ignorant and bigoted. Whether that prejudice is based on race, sexuality, gender, or gender identity, is it wrong. So many people these days stress inconsequential anti-sodomy laws rather than paying heed to the admonition to 'love they neighbor as thyself'. I believe that God loves all of his children. As Dieter F. Uchtdorf put it, "Though we are incomplete, God loves us completely. ...He loves every one of us, even those who are flawed, rejected, awkward, sorrowful, or broken." If God so loves his children, then who are we to cast others aside because of our own petty differences? It frustrates me, honestly, that so many people are so very blind to the will of the Lord. Anyway, in case anyone is interested in hearing or watching Dieter F. Uchtdorf's full talk (which is under 20 minutes in length), I've included links. For an mp3 file, click the link at the bottom of this page: http://www.lds.org/conference/sessi For a video, look just underneath the screen. Click on the phrase Saturday AM and then scroll down the bar with the screen caps to the second-to-last one, entitled "President Dieter F. Uchtdorf": http://www.lds.org/move/index.html?t | ||||||||
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October 2nd, 2009
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| Title: Conspiracy Fandom: Saiyuki Pairings: No p0rnz yet. Mentions: 858 and 383 Summary: Annoyed by Hazel's vanity, Sanzo steps out into the city and runs into a familiar face. Hakkai sees the opportunity to teach Gojyo a lesson. Rating: PG 13 WARNING: Starving prostitutes in a catfight! (Yes, this means crack.) Notes: Inspired in part by The Red Orchid by whymzycality. Beta'd by the fabulous seshats_prodigy. All comments and critiques are welcomed and cherished. <3Previous Chapters ( I'd like to ask you for a favor. ) | ||||||||
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October 1st, 2009
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| ( So Saturday we celebrated my youngest son's birthday. ) | ||||||||
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upsetSeptember 25th, 2009
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| So far, it's crazy. During lunch hour everyone is in such a rush to get all the orders done that I can't even keep my head on straight. (Well, I never was good at being straight to begin with, right?) It took me two days to figure out how to do the outside janitorial duties in the morning, three to learn the inside janitorial, four to correctly operate the fry station, and five to get really good at the cash register. I still need a lot of help at the window and the burger and hot dog stations. But the most frustrating thing doesn't have anything to do with any of that. ( I think it would be really nice if I didn't have perverted dreams about fucking my coworkers. ) | ||||||||
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September 21st, 2009
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| 1. Always talk to the owner/manager. The manager is good, and in most cases the owner won't be hanging around, so you'll have to talk to a manager. But if the owner is around, do whatever it takes to get a word with him/her. I actually came back to Wienerschnitzel on three separate occasions in order to talk with the owner, because he was busy the first two times... which brings me to the next thing: 2. Persistence pays off. Nothing shows that you want the job more than making a continued effort to get it. If someone calls you in at an inconvenient time (like right before church on Sunday) be there anyway, and most importantly, be there on time. 3. Be yourself. This helped me a lot during the interview. A lot of people either spend tons of time going over answers to potential questions and practicing pre-written answers so much that their interactions become cold and mechanical. Or, on the other hand, some people don't spend enough time on this and get nervous and tongue-tied. I've had both problems before, but I think I finally found a good balance. One of the things that I said to the owner when he interviewed me was a personal opinion of mine that I had yet to share with other employers because other people had told me that it sounded a bit unprofessional. The question was about my strengths. After admitting that I was a bit of a perfectionist, I said that a lot of people do their work as quickly as they can just to get it done, and they don't care about the results. I take pride in my work, and I want to get things done correctly. I think this is one of the lines that got me the job. I later learned that Dallas (the owner) runs a tight ship, so that line probably meant more to him then it would to an employer who had a more casual style. I was also extremely lucky to have caught him right before he acquired another Wienerschnitzel further into town, so he was just about to hire some new workers. | ||||||||
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accomplishedSeptember 20th, 2009
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| I HAVE A JOB! Finally! (Damn. It took me long enough, right?) I went in for an interview at Wienerschnitzel today, and they hired me. I start tomorrow at 9 am. Isn't that awesome?! I have to say, I love the uniform. I get to wear a red Angels baseball cap and a black shirt with a red collar and sleeves, and company logos. Yes, I had to be hired by a company that uses my favorite color as a theme. Anyway, I'm psyched. I can't wait to go to work tomorrow. Oh, and the best part? It's just half a mile away. I can walk to work. No busses, cars, or bicycles needed. | ||||||||
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September 18th, 2009
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| Title: Fucked Fandom: Saiyuki Pairings: 383 (Sanzo x Hakkai) and 858 (Hakkai x Gojyo) Summary: Hakkai explains to Gojyo the situation he's in. Then Gojyo decides that it's time for a distraction. Rating: NC 17 WARNING: Hakkai cursing during sex, and doing other kinky things. Notes: Beta'd by the fabulous, awesome, completely AMAZING jedishampoo! All comments and critiques are welcomed and cherished. <3 ( Do you like it when my finger is fucking you, Gojyo? ) | ||||||||
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September 17th, 2009
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| I was bored today, so I made a Gay Pride T-shirt. It's a pretty simple design, but I think that it works well to convey the intended message. It's tasteful isn't it? Anyway, I like it and I want one. I also made one that says, "What're you looking at? You act like you've never seen a transsexual before." I want that one too. One of these days I'll get a job and I'll have enough money to buy my own damn t-shirt designs, but for now I'll be content to watch them as pretty little pixels on the internets. | ||||||||
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September 14th, 2009
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| You would not believe the crap I went through while I was out looking for work today. I was crossing the street to get to the shopping center by my house when I saw a group of about half a dozen teens (mostly boys, maybe a girl or two) hanging around on the lawn on the side of Vons. My first instinct on seeing them was to avoid them if at all possible, but they were right in the way of where I had to walk, so I thought, "I'll just walk right on by and ignore them." But no. NO. They were starting to leave just as I got close, and for some obnoxious reason they decided to talk to me. "My friend likes you," one of them said. Idiot! HAVE I NOT OUT-GROWN THIS PUERILE BEHAVIOR YET?! Do you think I don't know what you're doing? All the skinny good-looking guys find the fattest, uglyiest, nerdiest looking wretch in the near vincity and then walk up and feign romantic interest. I never bought that shit even when I was in Jr. High, you really think I'm gonna buy it now? Morons. I told them that I wasn't interested, but hey kept hounding me, and I was like, "Look, you don't even know me." "Well, what if he wants to get to know you?" I flashed the wedding band on my left hand as I walked away. (Yes, I still wear it. No, I don't consider myself taken.) Usually that's enough to shut people up, but they were still whining. Bunch of persistent bastards. I should've flipped them off instead. Don't you get it kiddies? I'm not a member of your age group! Fuck! This is exactly what I despise about my youthful appearance. Those guys were probably my little brother's age, 18-19 years old. If they knew that I was 27, would they even be talking to me? No. It's times like this that make me wonder why murder is illegal. We could drastically reduce the idiot population if we were just allowed to kill a few off every now and then. Preferably before they start to reproduce! On the bright side, I did find one job opening today and the liquor store -finally- got my favorite beer in! So I treated myself to pizza and beer, relaxed for a couple hours, then signed on to my college's website to find that there are some inspiring topics that people are coming up with for their papers. It's amazing what people can do when they use their brains. | ||||||||
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September 5th, 2009
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| Title: Perverted Monk Fandom: Saiyuki Pairings: 353 Summary: Sanzo goes to watch Gojyo strip and jack off in the woods, but ends up getting much more than he bargained for. Rating: NC 17 Notes: Beta'd by the fabulous, awesome, completely AMAZING jedishampoo! ( Just shut up and fuck me, you bastard! ) | ||||||||
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August 31st, 2009
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| So... Friday was my court date. Nothing much happened. We came, we saw, nothing changed. We've still got another six months to get our acts together, just as I predicted. I thought it made my ex look pretty stupid for getting all bent out of shape about the adoption interviews and thinking that our kids could be taken away on Friday. But then again, he really is stupid. I was stuck hanging around with him on Thursday, watching him pan-handle. It's funny, I can't beg to save my own ass. Too much pride. He's good at it, though. But, it also reminds me that he'll probably never be able to hold down a steady job. Useless. Next week is a vacation for the kids, so we don't get to see them for two weeks. I always hate it when this happens. As if it's not bad enough that social services stole them out of my home in the first place, and that the visits decreased from twice a week to once a week after Rob and Jodie took them out of foster care... once a week is already too long. Once every two weeks is unbearable. Why the hell do they have to go on so many damn vacations? *sigh* I can already sense that I'm going to need more beer this weekend than normal... and possibly more cigarettes, too. Maybe I should finally drink the last of that sake I've been saving? On the other hand, I am proud to say that I've put in a lot of job apps this week. In spite of being really busy, and working/going to meetings for 6-8 hours each day, I still managed to put in an app or two every single day when I got home. Including all the places I applied during the rest of the month, I've applied to so many places now... hopefully at least one of them will call me. At any rate, I intend to keep up the pace. Something will have to happen, eventually. Who knows... if I can manage to lose another ten pounds, I might even apply at the Sheriff's Station. I can't say I've always wanted to be a cop, but it pays well... and this town needs better cops. Some of them are pretty bad. | ||||||||
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August 29th, 2009
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| Well, now... how do I say this? The last time I talked to my sister, Tiffany, she was probably six months along. She asked if she should have her baby boy call me 'uncle'... and I just said that it doesn't really matter what he calls me. It was nice of her to offer, though. It's probably the most selfless thing anyone in my family has ever done for me. When my mother found out I was going to change my name she told me, "I will never call you that." My brother insists to this day that I was born his big sister, and no matter what I do to myself, he will always see me as his big sister. Thanks, Caleb. That makes me feel HORRIBLE. But, thanks. So I told my sister, "You can just tell him that he has a really weird Aunt." I said that partly because I don't want to push my transsexual identity on anyone, and partly because I don't intend to give up the title of 'mother' as far as my own children are concerned. It might seem contradictory for someone who despises female titles as much as I do, but I am their biological mother after all. This is the one thing that I promised myself that I will not be ashamed of. After all, how many gay guys out there can only wish that they could have their own biological children? But because I was born in the wrong body, I was able to do this. At any rate, I'm not so insecure that I will get easily upset because of what other people think of me. I want people to see me for who I really am, and being a mother is a part of that, even if I am a guy. I guess that doesn't make very much sense, but that's how I feel about it. I don't feel the need to be overly masculine just to prove to everyone that I'm not really a woman. I know who I am. They're the ones who are confused. Anyway, I have a new little nephew! He was born around 5 in the morning, weighing about 7lb. and his name is Jared. I'm so happy for my sister~♥! Really, the only way I would be happier is if I were there to see him myself. But she lives all the way out in Connecticut, so what can you do? | ||||||||
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August 20th, 2009
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| Title: Up All Night Fandom: Saiyuki Pairings: 35 Summary: Sanzo wakes up in the middle of the night because Gojyo is having a hard time getting to sleep. Gojyo decides that he's not going to bed until he's had a little fun. Rating: M Notes: Beta'd by the fabulous, awesome, completely AMAZING jedishampoo! Because the birthday fic I wrote her back in May is turning into a series now.( It won't stay up all night. If you ignore it long enough, it'll go away. ) | ||||||||
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August 10th, 2009
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| I've been thinking that I ought to say something about what happened while I was away, but there's really not much to talk about. The only thing that happened was that my ex was being an ass, like usual. Well... actually, it was worse than usual. We missed a visit with our kids because he didn't have any gas money. Even though he had more than enough gas to go driving around with his friends a few days before, he was all out by the time we were supposed to go to the visit. Needless to say, I was pissed off. ( ...And the drama ensues. ) | ||||||||
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August 4th, 2009
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| You would not believe how unimaginably dull the last two weeks were without this baby. I think I spent about as much time sitting around dreaming about all the things I could do if I had my computer as I did playing video games, watching movies, and reading magazines. It was terrible... TERRIBLE I SAY! But I didn't end up drinking or smoking nearly as much as I thought I would. Although, I did have beer with chips and salsa while watching the Rocky Horror Picture Show. I think... from now on, I don't want to be drunk while watching that movie. It's trippy enough without the liquor. But now my baby is all fixed up with a lovely new panel in the front, and I shall never spill water on him again. | ||||||||
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July 22nd, 2009
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| Well, guys... my computer is dead. I accidentally spilled water on my laptop, and it's going to take over $300 and a week or two to fix the touchpad and the motherboard. Unfortunately, this ruins my college courses, and a ton of other things. If you're wondering where I'll be for the next couple of weeks, I'll probably be taking a lot of long walks to smoke and doing a lot of drunken brooding in my room. I promise not to get so plastered that I throw up on the floor this time. | ||||||||
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rehtaeh11
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